We all know divorce sucks, but sometimes, it can mess with your head. Sometimes, the newly single can, well for the want of a better phrase, go off their rockers.
Depending on the person, out-of-character behaviour can include normally conservative people partying all night, embarking on one-night stands, rushing into a new relationship, taking drugs (legal or otherwise), suddenly dressing younger or sexier, or being particularly nasty to the person they once loved.
Celebrities do it all the time. Think actor Alec Baldwin’s angry spray at his daughter Ireland, or Britney Spears dancing around sans knickers, shaving her head, and crashing cars.
Now Hulk Hogan and his ex Linda are reportedly celebrating the end of their 23-year-union by courting teens, sorry partners, young enough to be their kids.
Now, generally, I acknowledge that love knows no barriers, and I don’t see a problem with older people dating younger ones. But in the Hogans’ case, Hulk is dating a woman who looks scarily like his daughter Brooke. And Linda’s new beau is dating 19-year-old Charlie Hill, who once went to school with Brooke, and who is nearly 30 years her junior. What’s more, young Charlie looks eerily like a younger version of Linda’s former love. I’d post some pics so you could see for yourself, but they are copywright. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.
It’s for reasons like these, that counsellors advise taking at least two years following a split before starting a new love affair. Because, quite frankly, we’re just too darn mixed up to know what’s good for us.
Even usually sensible Nicole Kidman dated a series of unsuitable love interests following her split from Tom Cruise, even getting secretly, and briefly, engaged to one of them. Before finally finding love again with fellow Aussie Keith Urban.
And it’s not just celebrities who go off the rails occasionally.
An Italian man was recently arrested for allegedly kidnapping his ex-girlfriend and forcing her to, er, iron his clothes and wash his dishes.
Now, I know this could have turned out much worse, and thank God, housework was all he wanted her to do. Luckily, the woman was rescued by a friend who witnessed the kidnapping and called police.
But forcing an Ex to do housework? That’s seriously messed up.
So why do some newly-single people start acting whacky?
In many ways, it’s actually a normal reaction to the shock and pain of separation, and often of finding out a loved one isn’t exactly who you thought they were. If you’ve been betrayed or ripped off by an ex, you start to question everything you believe in. It’s also a natural response to learning to become an individual again, as opposed to half of a couple.
In a way, it’s like re-living adolescence. You need to try different things out in an effort to find out who you are, and what you want from life. You suddenly have the freedom and time to put yourself first. To be whatever you want to be. But to do that you need to broaden your horizons, make mistakes, and learn from them.
The good news is that as long as your acting out doesn’t go on for too long, isn’t too extreme, or does not put you or anyone else in danger, it’s a phase that will pass.
But if you’re at all worried about your behaviour, or anyone close to you, seek help.
There is plenty of it available, from people who won’t judge you and who will be able to help you.
Counsellors, or even family doctors, are a great place to start.
Did you go off the rails after divorce?
Depending on the person, out-of-character behaviour can include normally conservative people partying all night, embarking on one-night stands, rushing into a new relationship, taking drugs (legal or otherwise), suddenly dressing younger or sexier, or being particularly nasty to the person they once loved.
Celebrities do it all the time. Think actor Alec Baldwin’s angry spray at his daughter Ireland, or Britney Spears dancing around sans knickers, shaving her head, and crashing cars.
Now Hulk Hogan and his ex Linda are reportedly celebrating the end of their 23-year-union by courting teens, sorry partners, young enough to be their kids.
Now, generally, I acknowledge that love knows no barriers, and I don’t see a problem with older people dating younger ones. But in the Hogans’ case, Hulk is dating a woman who looks scarily like his daughter Brooke. And Linda’s new beau is dating 19-year-old Charlie Hill, who once went to school with Brooke, and who is nearly 30 years her junior. What’s more, young Charlie looks eerily like a younger version of Linda’s former love. I’d post some pics so you could see for yourself, but they are copywright. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.
It’s for reasons like these, that counsellors advise taking at least two years following a split before starting a new love affair. Because, quite frankly, we’re just too darn mixed up to know what’s good for us.
Even usually sensible Nicole Kidman dated a series of unsuitable love interests following her split from Tom Cruise, even getting secretly, and briefly, engaged to one of them. Before finally finding love again with fellow Aussie Keith Urban.
And it’s not just celebrities who go off the rails occasionally.
An Italian man was recently arrested for allegedly kidnapping his ex-girlfriend and forcing her to, er, iron his clothes and wash his dishes.
Now, I know this could have turned out much worse, and thank God, housework was all he wanted her to do. Luckily, the woman was rescued by a friend who witnessed the kidnapping and called police.
But forcing an Ex to do housework? That’s seriously messed up.
So why do some newly-single people start acting whacky?
In many ways, it’s actually a normal reaction to the shock and pain of separation, and often of finding out a loved one isn’t exactly who you thought they were. If you’ve been betrayed or ripped off by an ex, you start to question everything you believe in. It’s also a natural response to learning to become an individual again, as opposed to half of a couple.
In a way, it’s like re-living adolescence. You need to try different things out in an effort to find out who you are, and what you want from life. You suddenly have the freedom and time to put yourself first. To be whatever you want to be. But to do that you need to broaden your horizons, make mistakes, and learn from them.
The good news is that as long as your acting out doesn’t go on for too long, isn’t too extreme, or does not put you or anyone else in danger, it’s a phase that will pass.
But if you’re at all worried about your behaviour, or anyone close to you, seek help.
There is plenty of it available, from people who won’t judge you and who will be able to help you.
Counsellors, or even family doctors, are a great place to start.
Did you go off the rails after divorce?
2 comments:
You are giving light to a really big issue here - getting divorced can be like being bereaved, not just because you go through a grieving process, but because people tend to 'avoid the subject' thus making you feel even more lonely and more at risk from emotional and mental illness.
I think men suffer particularly badly as they often have less people who they feel they can talk to in confidence.
suzymiller
www.startingovershow.co.uk
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